did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
