I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
