I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
