I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
