the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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