it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
