ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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