Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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