i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
