She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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