i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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