evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
nutella sex= disaster
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
