Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Randomize
