we have pet lesbian snakes
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
