so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
