I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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