Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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