Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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