If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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