Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
