people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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