You just made me feel so damn special
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
