So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Hippo gnu deer
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
