After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
