where am i from again
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
