my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
