Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
