Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
