They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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