Where did you get a picture of my penis
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
