I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
