This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Randomize
