i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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