so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
