now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Its about making memories worth repressing
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
