He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
