I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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