she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
