Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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