I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
