after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
