So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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