His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
