Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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