just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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