So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
