That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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