Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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