Need sex. Gaining weight.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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