just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
