This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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