the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
