just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
