During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize