Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I need a hoe opinion
go on
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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