Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Enjoy the penises
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize