btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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