she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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