Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
