I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
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