ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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