biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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