worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
