They should really pass out barf bags in church
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It's official drugs can't kill me
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
