Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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