I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
