So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
