Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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