I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
be right there i have to get my cape
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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