Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize