people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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