She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
